This is just a beginning
Date: 14/12/2009
Dear tiny heart,
Hey Tara here, for 4 months I started scribbling chronicle in you, yesterday I got a gift from my bench mate, I am amazed why he gave me such a fancy diary?
So I used to decorate my bestie, it seems girly but it is my fantasy to write it down everything I noticed around me and thoughts comes within. Tiny heart, you are now filled with so many stuff, right? Now I am setting you free.
I will keep you in the secret shelf of the cupboard you will be safe there, do you know that this almirah is given by my Grandpa, He told me about this hidden shelf.
Whenever I miss him I read his journals, use his telescope and binoculars. I feel his presence when I use all these items, after all, I am living in my grandparent’s bedroom. Two years ago both expired (1 Jan 2007)was a black day of my life.
I am an only grandchild, from the day I was born, I played here. I love them both were close to my heart more than my parents. Dadi maa gave me a five-elements bracelet when she was ill, I am wearing this bracelet from that day till now. After spending my time on star tracking and bird watching I feel total copacetic.
I am observing my grandpa’s researches and projects work some are incomplete he told me about his star tracking reports, I need to go through the stuff I have with me.
Everything will be secret as you know I am hiding you too from my mom and dad because I know they won’t understand me.
From tomorrow itself, After coming from school and completing other urgent activities I will spend most of my time here I am sitting right now it’s my grandpa’s library, placed in his office.
My mother was asking me to renovate my bedroom, I simply said no to her.
You know what I am feeling is just like this poetry,
“Elderly laughter layered with care and blessings
I have sensations and memories are busting
inside me, It’s like blossoming,
Just like a flower pouring its fragrance
I can feel everything, Its full fillings my vital force,
I am talking to my ancestors, after all, I am their essence.”
I know that my behavior seems weird for anyone, my bench mate Ashish was also saying that to me yesterday,
When I started smiling at him he gave me a gift and told me that “your notes were really helpful because of that, I cleared my midterms, thank you so much”
He also told me that “how silent girl you are, why you don’t speak much just like other girls they won’t stop?”
I said “it won’t suit me” I smiled at him.
He remained silent as he always does when I don’t reply to him.
The physics notebook He gave back to me
I opened it after mathematics period,
It was filled with bookmarks and smileys made by him.
I put it in my bag,
A conversation I never forget
Then the bell rang, it was a games period everybody was rushing accept me, where everyone was playing in the playground, I was in the sports room,
I was observing everyone, Two girls and two boys were playing table tennis while one guy and one girl were playing chess,
“I know the rules but I don’t know how to play.”
A boy won two times, so a girl named Ira was saying “you cheated on me, why did you do that?”
I know her she is a brilliant student among all three sections of the 6th standard.
And she was right, so I tried to give her my support,
“Yes he did’’ I said,
“ How? give me proof that I cheated on her, ” he said,
“No I don’t have any proof I know the rules so don’t fool us,” I said to him.
“ If you know the game lets challenge each other,” He said,
My mind was saying to me,
“Are you stupid? you don’t know how to play it say no to him,”
“I am ready for this challenge,” I said to my mind.
it was too loud that students who were playing table tennis turned their head and started staring at me,
Chess Game Challenge: 18/12/2009, Friday. Be prepared.
“ I am Vishwas Bhushan in 10th Standard Section B, what’s your name miss?” he asked,
“I am Tara Sharma in 9th Standard Section A” I replied.
My mind was not with me, it was giving me tons of negative thoughts,
One thing I told myself, “Nothing can stop me”.
These phrases give me the courage, I keep remembering from time to time,
1.“I know you are improving,
If its 0.00099999% progress every day
It will be massive in aggregate.”
2. “something is still missing
It’s time to see what’s hidden,
Your master plans fail all of a sudden
Even if you are a logical person
When everything seems useless
Tap to your consciousness”.
This is a second last page of you, I will miss you my tiny heart,
best experiences I have written in you if I want to remember those moments
I will come back to you.
Goodbye my buddy
