A headache or a lucid dream
28/02/2010 Part 1
Dear firefly,
Hey, Tara here, Last night I was just about to die by a headache, telling you all of the possible reasons for how I survived?
I always wear my specs but yesterday I lost it, It was difficult to see without it. I can’t even see my mother and also I can’t even see my hands. How bad it is that my eyes are getting weaker day by day. I don’t use mobile phones, laptops, and television.
Only 4 days are left for the final exam, I am all prepared with subjects, but something is still bothering me, these days strange things are happening to me. I am really sure about the series of events happening after my grandpa’s death.
Someone is definitely spying on me. How can I forget the man in my dreams?
How can remember all of the things if it is not true? I don’t know I can’t even share this with anyone nor the Ashish he was already upset, telling you everything that why he was upset from the past 5 days.
My mind is not giving me any conclusions. If I entered into another state of my mind maybe they exist in the parallel or alternative universe. I think it is all because I started doing meditation and other mindful practices, How is that possible if I don’t like something how can I even practice that?
Ufff, it felt like everything is getting more complicated with time. What I noticed today that whatever is in between my ears is not working properly. Some kind of error is there or I am doing overthinking.
(Tiny heart)my diary was stolen by someone and when I started investigating I found it in my school locker room, how I don’t know?
Yesterday I was so tired and sick that I felt like I heard someone else voice in my bedroom, I tried to sleep but didn’t get it for about 10 minutes I tried yoga teacher’s breathing exercises. I started counting 4 seconds each while inhaling, holding and exhaling, after doing all these efforts told by Radha mam, I started feeling better than afterward,
I saw my clock, It was only 2.00 am. I continued these activities how long don’t even know and I don’t even remember my sleeping time.
I think I saw a girl beside me, in my dream, I don’t know who she was but she was so beautiful, I was trying to talk to her but the voice didn’t come out from my throat. A girl told her name too but I can’t even remember her oh
I can even make her sketch but I can’t do anything without my specs. I am not good at drawing still I feel that it is possible to draw her.
She isn’t human, she is something supernatural.
The facial expressions were not visible but I saw her image it was like I was watching a 4D movie. I also felt that her structure was changing too rapidly, Yeah strange na. It was like virtual reality.
I can’t understand that there is something within us who can do anything.
I think the human mind is not that what it looks like but it is something more than that, I was sleeping so my eyes were closed, Till how can I see her it mean something within us that shows a picture.
It is like the signals or information received from my mind without using eyes, nose, skin, ears we all can feel everything in our dreams.
Questions that are killing me?
I have lots of questions about sleeping why we sleep? Does nobody know why we all have to sleep at night?
Why we get energized in the morning? Why I always awaken between 3.30 am to 5.00 am?
Why every day at the same time?
Why I am always concerned with these questions?
My mind is out of control with these deep questions.
I called my friend yesterday, Yes, I am talking about Ashish, he was saying that you need to go out sometimes. Your mind is completely hacked with these books.
We talked a little bit and did revision for the exams and then he told me that they are going to shift Bangalore after this session end (2009–10)
It was too depressing after hearing him that he is going somewhere else.
I was feeling alone from yesterday. I smiled at him and I said to him “please don’t forget me after that.” He started crying and I felt very bad.
He told me “I don’t want to go there but it will be good for his career and future,”
I said to him “you need to go there ok, There is no distance in friendship, we will always be friends with each other no matter where you go.”
“Nothing is more soothing than seeing his growth and happiness.”
I said to myself.
I can remember everything about the night,
Another incident I am writing on your page.
I can relate to these rhymes
Who was she I don’t know her name?
someone is somewhere, playing a ‘mind game’.
I can’t even get it who I used to blame?
nothing is simple either my mind nor my heart
nobody is there to explain,
Real or dream not getting any conclusion and I have nothing to claim.
Feeling better after writing all of these doubts I had throughout my day.
Thank you, buddy.
